You never know what somebody is capable of until they start lashing out when they're wounded. Sometimes we don't even know our own limits until we draw a fine line between right and wrong and see if we cross it. Every action has a consequence, and in a fit of insecure rage we could burn all of our bridges and twist a scoffing blade deep into the heart of somebody's soul. We may think ourselves incapable of such vicious deeds, but every person has enough of an impact to do just that. It is when we encounter difficult situations that our true character is unveiled; would you lash out like a wounded animal if somebody had hurt you? Sometimes I just want to destroy and destroy and destroy, but I'm a good girl. And we have to keep up with appearances. But eventually our appearances will not be able to keep up with us, and we will have to decide where it is that we stand.

Oftentimes I wonder if we are more infatuated by the fictionalization of the lives we lead from the viewpoint of our imaginations than we are by the person we profess to love. We're good at overthinking things. We create our own, personal versions of how situations are: everything is exactly how we want it. But when something bends out of shape, steps out of line, or changes in the slightest, our misinterpreted perceptions shatter. We fall in love with the chase, we obsess over the story. We are more focused on the effects certain circumstances will have in our lives than we are on the actual love we have for others. Essentially, we live lies. Lies told softly to us by our own rampant imaginations and expectations that have no hold on reality whatsoever. We fall in love with the situations of others long before we realize how lucky we are in our situations. And far too often, when we finally unravel ourselves from these alternate states of mind, we miss what's right in front of us. Or we realize that we missed out on opportunities to truly discover what real love is. All because we were too busy trying to create false fantasies far from anything that was ever real.

Be beautiful, they said. Beauty is everything, they told us. If you're beautiful you're loved, they lied. What is beauty? A trap. A figment of imagination. Why is everyone so obsessed with how people look? Being beautiful doesn't mean that you know how to do your makeup, or were born with perfect skin, or have the best clothes. Being beautiful doesn't have anything to do with your body or what people can see of you on the outside. Beauty--however cliche this is--can't be deemed by the way somebody looks. Being beautiful is defined by the way you act, by the soul you are. The point at which someone stops being beautiful is when they are consumed with themselves, particularly their own "being beautiful." Pride is, was, and always will be the downfall of humankind. Only when we learn to love and respect others will our own beauty be manifested. "Beautiful things don't ask for attention." And indeed, they don't.

I didn't really know what to expect prior to attending BYU. I had heard college was different, better even, than high school, but nobody explained to me how it differed. I had been vaguely enlightened by the comment that for every hour of class attended, you would have 2+ hours of homework. That was daunting. Still, I scheduled six classes and hoped for the best.

I feel like, in this moment, I am a sinner in a confession. My (imaginary) blog readers are my pastor equivalent. And I have a lot to confess concerning the reality of my university experience.

1. College actually feels almost identical to high school except for the fact that half the students are married and the other half are scouting out potential future spouses. Ugh.

2. I got really lucky this semester because my workload isn't an overload.

3. LearningSuite is frustrating, but without it I would be blindsided on MANY assignments.

4. There is a class I should be close to failing, but since the average student scores a low C grade, the class I should be most worried about seems to be a class I will be able to pass. #CurvesSaveYou

5. People hardly ever look--let alone smile--at you. That is probably one of my biggest pet peeves about the college atmosphere. Honestly, just because I made eye contact with you doesn't mean that I want to have your children. Simmer down, everybody.

6. At any given moment you could meet somebody who changes the course of your existence. Sounds cliche, but it's true. Merely taking a different route, offering a hello to the person sitting beside you in class, or attending an irregular event on campus can have a long-standing effect on your experience.

7. Being out on your own elicits extraordinary thoughts and ideals in everyday life. I've had a lot of time to walk and ponder and I've learned just how delicately balanced the reality of our lives are.

8. Grades are important, but just because you bomb a test doesn't mean you fail; failure is deemed only by refusing to gain knowledge. The true measure of success is proven when you apply lectures to your everyday life. If you feel educated, you have not failed.

9. Roommates are like family: be sure you make an effort to like them.

10.  When classes are 50 minutes long, it is incredibly easy to develop a shortened attention span.