A Requited Reality: 2014

I want to be blanketed by an endless canopy of stars, enveloped by the wisdom of the universe and its ever-swirling galaxies. I want to spend a sleepless night discovering and rediscovering constellations and the man in the moon. I want to abandon the world and its trivial, superficial cares and just be. Life isn't perfect; it wasn't meant to be. Life is a collection of the ups and downs, a heartbeat pattern. The low times prove that you're alive. It is the flatline that is worrisome. The stars are billions of years old. They have watched us spin around in circles, always revolving around the sun. They have seen wars, love, hate, peace. They have witnessed the human race progress, digress, and stand still--it is in those still moments, surrounded by the tranquility of silence and stars, that we realize life is more than us. That we grow outside of ourselves. It is then when we become inspired. The night sky is a dark canvas of knowledge speckled with the experiences and light of the stars. So connect the dots. What is it that you see?

It's true that everybody tries to put their best foot forward. We try to show the best parts of ourselves by nature. We don't want people to know that we are human make mistakes. We're guarded, hiding the undesirable traits and facts about ourselves. But I think the most beautiful parts of us are the scars, the pains, the dark places. In all reality, it is these things that define who we are, not the flawless masks we present to society. It's the scars that tell the stories. The dark times and the pains we've endured are, in essence, the definition of us. They prove that we are growing and learning; they show that we can heal. You never know who somebody is until you have shared who you are with them. Very choice people know the trials you're enduring and it is them who are the closest to you. We've been injured, we have scars. And we hide them from the world, convincing others that we are a flurry of wonder when all the while we are really just trying to prove to ourselves that we are worth it. We are harsh on our choices and personalities and flaws. We must learn to love the scars and the change we've encountered. And we have to love even the scary parts of others because we are all survivors, everyday. And how will somebody love all of us if we condemn some parts of them? We make mistakes, but when we learn from them they can flourish into something beautiful.

Being alone is empowering; the stillness of the air allows peace of thought and deep personal understanding. It fills the crevices of our broken soul with a painfully soothing remedy: time. But you can't live alone forever. You, at one point or another, have to depend on somebody else for survival. No matter how self-sufficient we think we have become, we owe the world we have to our God who gave us life. He blesses and prospers us in ways we cannot fully recognize. For are we not all beggars? He carries us through those trials we fear we cannot surpass and, in order to strengthen us, he even pushes us a little farther than we are stubbornly willing to go. No matter how we may try to repay our Father in heaven for the blessings he bestows upon us, he turns around and blesses us again tenfold. We are forever indebted to him. If we, imperfect beggars before the mighty God, can become heirs to his kingdom, why shouldn't somebody else? It's time for the hopeful message of the gospel to reach those who may feel frozen in time and all alone. I'm here to tell you that you are never alone and Christ is silently enduring every pain, sorrow, and sickness that befalls you upon this lonely journey on earth, whether you realize it or not. You are important. You are more important than you realize.

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The Secret was a study performed in an effort to prove the theory that positive thinking leads to success. Many live the Secret and swear by its results. Although uplifting thoughts are powerful, action is essential to the counsel given concerning family history--without it, nothing gets done.

Incentive: You guys are all able to put out this candle. The power of positive thinking will be on our side here. What you need to do is work together, all of you have to countdown and think as hard as you can that the candle will go out and if you plan it out well enough, you'll have a chance to put out the flame. After lighting the candle, convince everyone to be absolutely silent and, on the count of three, to speak in their minds the words "flame, go out." The trick is to emphasize the power of positive thinking. After about 10 seconds of the fire still burning, pinch it out and deliver the following thought: no amount of positive thinking was EVER going to extinguish that candle. What was required to put out the candle was work, the action of pinching out the flame. When we receive instruction and counsel for us to learn something, we have to act. No amount of positive thinking is EVER going to effect a change on the physical world around us if we don't act on those thoughts.

We are told regularly how important family history work is, and many times this topic has been discussed in this class. A lot of times we hear what people are saying, but we don’t listen. It’s easy to avoid the monotonous repetition of the counsel to “do family history work!” and justify why we aren't involved in it. The most beneficial thing we can do for ourselves is to do something, regardless of how in-depth it is.

After class one day, I had the strongest impression to record my family’s stories. I called my grandparents and set up a time to meet with them and write their stories into the FamilySearch website. While it was a bit more difficult than anticipated, the time I was able to spend with them and the memories that are recorded for generations to come are well worth it.

One of the largest mantras in this class was the theme of stories. We have the resources necessary to complete family history, and the history of our families begins with stories.

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I didn't really know what to expect prior to attending BYU. I had heard college was different, better even, than high school, but nobody explained to me how it differed. I had been vaguely enlightened by the comment that for every hour of class attended, you would have 2+ hours of homework. That was daunting. Still, I scheduled six classes and hoped for the best.

I feel like, in this moment, I am a sinner in a confession. My (imaginary) blog readers are my pastor equivalent. And I have a lot to confess concerning the reality of my university experience.

1. College actually feels almost identical to high school except for the fact that half the students are married and the other half are scouting out potential future spouses. Ugh.

2. I got really lucky this semester because my workload isn't an overload.

3. LearningSuite is frustrating, but without it I would be blindsided on MANY assignments.

4. There is a class I should be close to failing, but since the average student scores a low C grade, the class I should be most worried about seems to be a class I will be able to pass. #CurvesSaveYou

5. People hardly ever look--let alone smile--at you. That is probably one of my biggest pet peeves about the college atmosphere. Honestly, just because I made eye contact with you doesn't mean that I want to have your children. Simmer down, everybody.

6. At any given moment you could meet somebody who changes the course of your existence. Sounds cliche, but it's true. Merely taking a different route, offering a hello to the person sitting beside you in class, or attending an irregular event on campus can have a long-standing effect on your experience.

7. Being out on your own elicits extraordinary thoughts and ideals in everyday life. I've had a lot of time to walk and ponder and I've learned just how delicately balanced the reality of our lives are.

8. Grades are important, but just because you bomb a test doesn't mean you fail; failure is deemed only by refusing to gain knowledge. The true measure of success is proven when you apply lectures to your everyday life. If you feel educated, you have not failed.

9. Roommates are like family: be sure you make an effort to like them.

10. When classes are 50 minutes long, it is incredibly easy to develop a shortened attention span.

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I had a lot of questions going into this October 2014's General Conference, some crucial to be answered and others...not so much. I've had a lot of people tell me to write down all of my questions before Conference and pray about receiving an answer through the sessions. This was the first time I had done this. While the speakers addressed some of the larger questions, I didn't quite feel like I grasped a full contextual answer for all of them. Now, of course, all of the sessions were wonderful and I learned a lot from each, but I was getting hung up on my questions. Then came along Neil L. Anderson Saturday Afternoon to drive a point home: I can receive answers in many ways than just one. During his address I was taught a lot by him, but even more so by the spirit, which I think is the case nine times out of ten. Neil L. Anderson successfully evokes the presence of the Holy Ghost, surprisingly, by logically approaching the topic of receiving answers.

Elder Anderson spoke of the controversy surrounding Joseph Smith and his ministry. There are many whose testimonies concerning Joseph aren't rock solid and are easily swayed by outside sources whose information and perception of certain aspects are likely skewed. Elder Anderson said that, as a church who began from asking questions, we welcome honest and genuine questions! (Frankly, I have many doctrinal questions that I'm not sure can be answered to me anytime soon, but I tend to--as President Uchtdorf said--doubt my doubts before I doubt my faith.) If we seek answers with faith and real intent, God will provide answers. He always does! One of my favorite quotes was the following: "Spiritual questions deserve spiritual answers provided by God." He listens to us and responds. However, the answer is dependent on God's timing and sometimes it's not necessarily what we're expecting or want to hear.

I learned that just because everyone else is finding answers one way, that way might not be the best way for me to find mine. In order for me to fully understand certain concepts and to ensure that the major (and minor!) decisions I am making in my life are compatible with God's plan, I have to put forth more effort than I am currently. I can't just write down questions and expect all of them to be handed to me on a silver platter--though sometimes God mercifully hands us blessings whether we expect them or not.

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